“What got you into teaching?”
“My uncle was my main pedagogical influence. He used to teach civics in this very academy.”
“How wonderful to be continuing his legacy!”
“I’m happy to pick it back up after it was cut so short.”
“Goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Oh no, he’s not dead. He was taken by scandal. Something about encouraging kids to talk to strangers. Now he’s in a state in which all those ahead of their time end up: alone in a basement.”
“How dreadful. How tragic!”
“Don’t feel too bad. He’s since found a way to be less alone these days. He has a pet iguana that he’s named after himself: ‘Uncle Lizard.’”
“Whenever I’m in a tough situation, I always think of my uncle’s advice: there is no problem that can’t be solved by wearing a distinctive hat.”
“Wasn’t he wearing a distinctive hat that time he drove onto a crowded sidewalk?”
“To be fair, he has since modified that advice from ‘there is no’ to ‘there are a few.’ But I still think about it. Old habits and all that.”
“Are we in trouble?”
“If you choose to approach everything that happens henceforth in that frame of mind you’ll get no judgment from me.”
“The master of the house requests an audience with his son.”
“Well, Dashiell, kindly tell the Master of the House that I am in the process of yearning. Yearning for hope lost. Yearning for promises broken. Yearning for a heart betrayed.”
“The master of the house planned for that contingency.”
“Did he now? How very practical. He is a … practical man. The master of the house.”
“Yes. He wanted me to relay these sentiments: you are neglecting your obligations. Sandra Urquhart-Baxter has made her choice, regretful though it is, and you must accept that.”
“I must, must I?”
“He appended his wishes to say that it’s a matter of retaining your dignity.”
“If a more dignified form of yearning exists I’d love to know about it.”
“Very well, sir.”
“Is that all, Dashiell?”
“Only that, it may be worth noting that it was I who added that Sandra Urquhart-Baxter’s decision was regretful, not the master of the house.”
“I will never speak of your kindness, Dashiell. Only your clarity.”
“Thank you, sir.”
X: I have no words for what’s happening right now.
O: I have some. “Last week I saw a woman flayed, and you will hardly believe, how much it altered her person for the worse.”
X: Who said that?
O: I can’t remember.
Y: Dakota Johnson said it in Vogue.
“Language is power. A simple euphemism can move a crowd like nothing else. But sometimes we become too dependent on them; and sometimes a euphemism goes sideways. This friend of mine, a town councilman, was a regular coiner—a real craftsman. Even he had his off days. He once ended a town council meeting by saying that there were ‘too many leaves in the swimming pool.’ That didn’t give the people who heard it a lot to go on. But when they hoisted the entire Board of Ed upside down in the shopping center parking lot like Mussolini after the war, he just rolled with it without missing a beat. Sometimes things that undermine our power have a way of confirming our leadership.”
“Misery is holding standards to such absurd heights that not even you can reach them. Despair is the endless quest to find someone stupid enough to validate them. Joy is having the good fortune of turning those standards into obligations and watching whole legions of peons make themselves sick in hopes of fulfilling them."
“Mediocrity is like a Spanish bull. It’s got this brute agility that easily deflects the jabs of reality’s mul— … its muert—… its fancy pointed sticks. Talent isn’t a bull; it is regally bipedal and agilely complacent. Reality can’t tell the difference—or just doesn’t care—so talent’s greatest talent is getting itself appallingly, voluptuously gored.”
“There have been quite a lot of rumors floating around about you. So it seemed appropriate to call you here into the Guidance Office so we can face them head-on together. In our current moment there are more options in confronting hearsay and bullying. Do you want to own what students are saying about you? Do you see opportunity for growth in their whispered conjectures? Or do you want to combat it with a dark horse counter-narrative? It’s a big leap from an earlier time, when I was a student, when countless hours and resources were expended simply to bring kids in line. Forcing them to conform to some blanket, inflexible standard of behavior, generally to make sure that the strong were well-appeased and the weak were less appealing targets. Those days are gone. We’re more enlightened today. Lucky for us, because we have less time and fewer resources.”
“I hear the complaints that people in my ‘position’ feel no consequences from our actions. I’d ask the complainers: Why would I keep the consequences all to myself? Why wouldn’t I put them on the market, like any well-made and reliable product, to give someone meaning by letting them live vicariously through my accomplishments?”